She fell for the wrong guy. A single mom now, in business for herself in the midst of the most wretched economy in decades, she wondered how to find shared housing where she and her teenager would feel welcome and secure in a healthy environment. With four million mortgages either in foreclosure or at least 90 days behind in their payments, she’s not the only one who doesn’t know where to look for suitable housing options. Whether we acknowledge it or not, a new housing paradigm is sprouting in our midst. Now is the time to proactively create models that support people in their current stage of life, whether that is just starting out or just finishing up.
The marry, have kids and live happily ever after story line does not always hold up in real life. The divorce rate has hovered at 50 percent since the early 1970’s when women entered the work force in droves. US Census Bureau statistics tell sobering truths: 8.3 million mothers and 2.5 million fathers form single parent households with children under the age of 18. Grandparents, 2.5 million of them, live with their grandchildren and are responsible for their care. Of the population living below the poverty line, 45 percent are women with children younger than 5 years old and 36 percent with children younger than 18-years old. One of the many problems of poverty is the nasty side effect of depression, a debilitating and highly contagious condition that, if not treated, guarantees to hold you and your children back. This affliction is often handed down from generation to generation.
In the context of history, the nuclear family model is very new, having only taken root after World War II and the resulting baby boom. Prior to that, the extended family model had worked reasonably well for millennia. Margaret Mead commented “Nobody has ever before asked the nuclear family to live all by itself in a box the way we do. With no relatives, no support, we’ve put it in an impossible situation.”
How do we get from where we are–nuclear families stretched thin, millions of people feeling very housing insecure and millions more being homeless–to a more durable model: non-familial, inter-generational, households providing a safe, secure, affordable and emotionally nurturing environment?
Here is a possible road map:
Consider your housing alternatives when you are not desperate and have time and a clear head to be able to access your intuition and make thoughtful decisions. Gather regularly with people who are willing to at least consider a new approach to housing. Get to know others gradually in a variety of settings. See how people interact with their children and with others.What do they take to potlucks? Do they help to clean up? Vocabulary is an important clue. You may not want your children to be exposed at home to the crude language that is so prevalent today. Are you sympathetic to their values and vice versa? What is each person’s tolerance for television, for music, political and/or religious convictions?
As people gather with others over time, affinity groups will naturally form. As groups form, if house sharing seems like a good idea to consider, consult with social workers and organization development experts to work out kinks in advance, as much as possible. Theoretically, these experts can help groups evaluate compatibility and work to establish a harmonious foundation.
Two Chicago shared housing co-ops, Stone Soup/Ashland and Beyond Today/Waterside (which has an opening), each use the word “joy” to describe their households. That should tell you something.
We are in for a bumpy ride so the sooner you can accept the impermanence that is inherent in this collapse, the more resilient you will be. Future posts will explore this concept further, link to resources and announce gatherings to flesh out short term and long term possibilities.
Photo credit: Waterside Co-op, Chicago, IL
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